2 reasons our dental colleagues annoy us, and what we can do about it
Would you describe your dental team as a pack of vultures who swoop around, stir things up, and then gleefully pick at the carnage? Or perhaps you’re in an office of parakeets, who chirp cheerfully all day but don’t actually accomplish anything.
Having observed dental practices for 25-plus years, I’ve often wondered if there’s something about workplace culture that transforms reasonable people into snakes, skunks, gorillas, and porcupines. How do we reduce the hissing, puffing, and butt-heading so that we can work together peacefully and effectively?
I’ll examine two contributing factors that explain why we get so annoyed with the people we work with. The first involves our beliefs and expectations about work, and the second has to do with our own behavioral and psychological preferences. These are called the myth of professionalism and the myth of teamwork. Then I’ll discuss the four intentions that fuel behavior and how these can generate conflict.
The myth of professionalism
Despite much experience to the contrary, most people hold onto the idea that there’s an objective code of professional business behavior. A code can include clothing choices, who you speak to, what you bring for lunch, and how you behave at meetings. The problem is that organizations have different codes and since these are largely unspoken, employees might not realize they’ve transgressed until they’re accused of being unprofessional.
New employees typically must learn codes through observation and trial and error. When employees don’t conform, they’re described as not fitting in, and other members of the herd gently or overtly pressure them to change or leave.
The assumption that individuals should be molded to fit into a workplace culture can lead to confusion and frustration. Team members can be both victims and victimizers, chafing under the restrictions on their own behavior, yet demanding that their peers scrupulously observe the rules.
An employee who energetically informs you when someone is late and another who catalogues the folks who don’t clean up after themselves in the break room are both examples of the myth of professionalism. It looks childish but what’s happening is that employees feel outraged that someone doesn’t abide by the invisible rules. In fact, it’s perceived as an injustice if the employee isn’t corrected because it’s not “fair” to everyone else.
The myth of teamwork
A cynical view about teamwork is that the blame is shared if something goes wrong. But the myth of teamwork proposes that most people want to share and collaborate, that they know how to do so, and that a team that works together is smarter and more creative than an individual working alone.
I believe in teamwork, but after facilitating hundreds of dental team meetings, I’ve observed that some employees resent sharing tasks or information, that collaboration is a complicated skill, and that a team can absolutely be less effective than an individual. In fact, it's been noted that some teams will “kill” off a member who is significantly smarter or more creative than the others.
We’d like to believe that a dental team can be as productive as a beehive, but the reality may be that some teams resemble a collection of rescue animals with behavioral issues.
Now for the 4 intentions
We have conflicting understandings of the myth of professionalism and the myth of teamwork. Our own personality preferences have a huge impact on why some people annoy us. We usually view ourselves as paragons of professionalism and reasonable behavior, and it’s other people who are irritating.
In their book Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner suggest that people can have four conflicting intentions.1 At any moment, someone on your team can lean toward:
- Getting it right
- Getting it done
- Getting appreciation
- Getting along
Let’s say you have a dental assistant whose personal mission is to get things right and her meticulousness means she takes 15 minutes to clean an operatory. The other dental assistant who’s more cognizant of time just wants to get things done and uses sterilization shortcuts to turn over rooms quickly.
Meanwhile, the third assistant, who wants everyone to get along, covers for her colleagues by apologizing to patients who have to wait or by quietly fixing any OSHA problems in the quickly cleaned rooms.
Why some people annoy us
When we achieve our intentions and our intentions are perceived positively, all seems right in the world. But what happens when we’re thwarted or misunderstood?
I recently asked some dental team members to choose which animal they turn into when they’re frustrated. Their responses were funny and revealing. There were porcupines, goldfish, cheetahs, and even an alligator.
Clearly, if you have one employee who deals with conflict by swimming away like a goldfish and another who lurks silently to pounce on their prey like an alligator, you have an environment where people can “devour” each other.
The key insight into getting along is to understand what other people want and what they hope to avoid, and to adapt your communication to match these preferences.
But to understand others, we may have to pull back our judgements about the people who annoy us. This isn’t easy because we get worked up by self-righteous indignation. We prefer to see ourselves as either superior or wronged. The person who annoys us is either a fool or a devil and either way we resent them.
What I like about Brinkman and Kirscher’s model is that it assumes positive intention. There’s nothing evil about a desire for appreciation or wanting to get things done quickly. If you assume that your most annoying employee has a logical and positive intention behind their behavior, you may be less likely to act like an enraged bear. It doesn’t mean you accept behavior that negatively impacts the practice, it just means you don’t have to react so emotionally.
The “which animal best describes you when you’re frustrated” is a surprisingly effective way for team members to be candid about their own behaviors. They can predict what will happen when one employee who is a self-described ostrich—so uncomfortable with conflict they deny it’s happening—has a conflict with a colleague who says they’re a skunk—who believe in “sharing” their unhappiness with dramatic effect. The conversation is usually marked by laughter, but it’s also rich in insights.
It's inevitable that there will be times when you’ll feel exceptionally annoyed by the people you work with. Conflict isn’t all bad; it can stimulate personal growth and generate energy to force the team to make wise and innovative decisions.
Finally, the harsh reality is that someone in your practice is probably extremely irritated by you right now. Comfort yourself with this thought: the best thing about being less than perfect is the joy it brings to others.
Editor's note: This article originally appeared in DE Weekend, the newsletter that will elevate your Sunday mornings with practical and innovative practice management and clinical content from experts across the field. Subscribe here.
Reference
1. Dealing with People You Can’t Stand. McGraw Hill. 2017. https://www.drrickbrinkman.com/book-dealing-with-people-you-cant-stand
